It's what you call an EP!

So... I finally finished making my EP and after 10 months of working on it, I can finally present it to you and the world for that matter! Of course, a lot was learned, much was accomplished and I am left grateful beyond words, God granted me this gift. To a ton of people who might ever come across my music, may never know it to be more than 5 songs with their own very specific opinion of, but I have 5 songs that are really lessons and growth that will never be expressed in the 20 some minutes it plays in their headphones. So if I may, here's 10 months in 20-some minutes of an EP in a few words….

The music process itself was most enriching. It was a process unfamiliar to me before and taught me much more than just how to produce a EP. It took patience and trust in the process of taking pieces and putting them together. I found myself learning how to have grace on myself for not being perfect. Some weeks I felt very uncomfortable of how it was going to turn out because a lot of it was out of my hands and direction. Other weeks I was would see more pieces come together and would be amazed at how much I doubted the process. When I heard the finished product, a smile so big felt like it was glued on my face from the start of the EP to finish. It was a moment I won't ever forget. It reminded me of the summer I was 15 and picked up a guitar for the first time. I felt a fire inside me burn that I needed to learn how to play guitar with nothing more than a vague feeling that God would use it in the future. That memory along with all the years up until now of  long hours of writing music, many writers blocks, and frustrating moments of getting nowhere with my music were not lost. I have often thought of this spiritual parallel in my life when a lot of circumstances and seasons really seemed meaningless but God has an "EP" of faithfulness where its all woven together for His good. It takes a lifetime to learn to trust God when our doubts make more sense than the truth does. But still, I'm learning.

Another lesson I've learned is expectations of perfection and reality. I sometimes wish I had a more powerful, controlled voice like Bethany Dillon, wrote astounding lyrics like Brooke Fraser, and played face-melting guitar like John Mayer and Josh Wilson. Like many, I am my worst critic because often what is in my head and what is actually real don't always align. Then I compare myself to other musicians and see more errors and flaws in myself. I have continually come back in humility and grace that God has given me what he has for His Kingdom and not mine. He is constantly shaping and molding my heart for His Kingdom, not mine. He wants me to be focused on His Kingdom, not mine. For however long I fix my eyes on my small little kingdom of me, the more sad, small and more hopeless it becomes. But the more I fix my eyes on Him and His Kingdom, the bigger and lovelier it becomes. Another spiritual parallel: "He must become greater. I must become less." Yes, the lies sink in deep crevasses of my life but deeper still there is love of God, faithfully speaking and defending. The critic speaks prettily loudly in my head but louder still is Jesus, the only voice I need to be ultimately yielding to.  

I remember throwing the idea of making a cd around in my head back in September of 2012. I very unsure of what this year would hold. I really had no idea what would come of the risk of putting myself out there musically and really, quite personally. I didn't quite have this ready desire but neither was I opposed to it, so I made a choice to go for it and see what might happen. Of course, being the God  He is, who knew all along, He guided each step, and taught me lessons in each one. He increased my desire to pursue it well, corrected what needed correcting and really affirmed what was good in it all. I speak both spiritually and musically here. It is amazing how God works especially when we don't know. More so when we don't have a clue. That is what is so satisfying about doing this EP. Many have asked me along the way, where I want to go with it. I really don't have an answer for you that might connect point A to point B. I am waiting to see what the next step is God has in-store. I have become very interested in using my music to encourage missionary kids/third culture kids being one and proud to be one. I also have become intrigued at how the depth of what I write has impacted people. I'm not keen on performing and I am one of those non-conformists who would rather shake things up than jump into the traditional artist shoes. BUT Jesus has the trump card and wherever and however he lays it, I'll follow.

I mean it when I say Thank you for being apart of this small chapter, in whatever way you have. I can't wait to see how not just this but ALL the threads and tapestries have been woven together with each chapter of our lives and the things God does in each of them. What a life we have in Christ and we are blessed beyond our imaginations to have the journeys we do because of His life in us!

Blessings,

Rachel

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/secret-on-the-loose-ep/id672328915

What's the Merry in Christmas?

Since I can remember I have always loved Thanksgiving and Christmas, as many people do. It's fun-filled and for me it's definitely a nostalgic time of year. Yet for the past couple of years a certain uneasiness has come over me as I think about entering in each holiday season. The feeling could always be rationalized into some reason that simply pushes it aside to minimize it as if to stay distracted from ever contemplating the reasons for the uneasiness.  It seems as thought this year I've observed this feeling play out in similar ways and am beginning to understand a bit more of what it is and why I feel it. I for one have this notion as I'm sure many others do that the holidays is a time for joy and cheer. NOT moping, being sad, dealing with stuff in your life, and wanting to take a break more than add more fiestas to your life. Somehow that is not the message I hear during this time of year. So as I feel this tension between the reality of life and the "reality" of the holidays, I wanted to share with you some of my insights.

Like many people in this entire planet, we like to do things. We like to have things to do, projects to complete, missions to accomplish and above a lot of things we hate to sit in boredom. Boredom makes us frustrated, and depressed. Naturally so, because we were made to be adventurously living out a unique purpose for the Kingdom's cause. And yet, much like the ways of this world, things are never in balance. We like to have activities, hang out with people, organize and/or participate in events, often at the cost of our necessity in "being". Our discipline still needing refining, timing never seeming to be on our side and good intentions to stop and "be" fail to be carried through somehow. That's so much of our lives and it's something even the wisest people I know still work at all the days of their life. I wonder if perhaps it's hard to do because it often means we must face our own reality and be sobered by our own brokenness and pain and of course, no one likes that. And yet it's so critical to who God shapes us to be; it's the process of character formation. Tying that into the Christmas season, of course life gets real busy during this time. If there's not final exams to pass, there's meetings to attend, extended family to prepare for, shopping to do, parties to attend, sleep to catch up on, bills to pay, lights to hang, christmas pageants to organize....its goes on forever!  What I've learned is when life gets busy we forget to attend to the current state of our heart. When that happens, I've found it gets easier to do so, until at some point we start to feel the ache of our ignored hungry heart.

Materialism does not help any... if not it starves our aching hearts more.  Of course marketing experts know what they're doing around this time of year. They know how to entice us with warm and fuzzy commercials to get you to buy disgusting cookies. They know how to shove ads and commercials into our faces to convince us we need to go shopping at 5 AM to buy things we don't really need. Of course it takes no genius to realize that what they are selling you, like all other advertised material possessions, is a value or experience (love, belonging, comfort, acceptance, fun, adventure, ect). After all humanity knows what it's been longing for since the dawn of creation. It's just that we are fallen and live accordingly many times. That is just some of what all of the materialistic holiday season is enticing us with. We long for it, ache for it and easily fall for less than the Real source of those things. So even if we don't buy it or get into it, we hear it. Lie after lie comes thrown at us at the time of the year when we crave love, acceptance, belonging, adventure, purpose, freedom ect. all are at the forefront of our hearts. All such things advertised and often expected at Christmas time such as keeping busy, ignoring our problems and valuing material things keep us from holding near our one true Source of all the things we long for deep down.

Christmas can be so good and filling, but it can also be so detrimental and heart-aching. How we respond to the moments around Christmas to reflect, remember what Jesus did for us, and be thankful, depend greatly on the perspective of your heart. I can see how that uneasy feeling about Christmas was rooted in the lies that can seep into our hearts about who we are finding our longings filled in. I can understand now why the holiday season can give you all kinds of reasons to neglect the honest, sometimes gritty work your heart needs in it's refining process. Much of the holiday season invites you to sit back and mindlessly munch your way through until the new year. And yet how ironic that is the flip-side of such a wondrous season: Jesus humbly came to save, set free and forever love us. He came to free us so every one of our heart-aches can be filled and one day wholly filled so we can be who were were always meant to be. For those of you like me, who identify with the uneasiness of this season, I pray you may find a deeper change within your heart to be more free and more deeply filled by the One who set this very season in motion for This very intent.

So in every sense of the phrase...Merry Christmas!

Lyrics of Songs and Stories behind them....

Today and Every Moment Sing

Verse 1:

What is the truth is all life’s craziness            

 Where is our lasting hope when all is bleak?

Its you its you and every soul must see                                                

Life if too precious to keep from proclaiming your story

Chorus:

Today and every moment sing

What is greater than our King?

He is faithful to the end

In trust and surrender we will stand

Verse 2:

We want to be your hands and feet

Let all we are boldly speak one thing

You are you are the way, the truth, the life                                     

And life’s just too precious to keep from proclaiming your story

Chorus:

Today and every moment sing

What is greater than our King?

He is faithful to the end

In trust and surrender we will stand

Bridge:

Its you we want

Its you we need

We choose you God

You are so worthy

Chorus:

Today and every moment sing

What is greater than our King?

He is faithful to the end

In trust and surrender we will stand

Ending:

Today and every moment sing

Story behind Today and Every Moment Sing: 

If there were a few things I ever wanted to sing with a body of believers was what is summed up this song. Like a battle cry, it is my hope that the church sees the reality that is the battle we face as Christians. Living in a world that wonders there way from one “truth” to the next, the Truth of Jesus Christ is the rock that drives us on and grounds us to boldly proclaim the Gospel. It’s just so good, I had to sing about it!

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’”.

John 14:6

Perspective

Verse 1:

I’m taking pictures with the cap on the lens

I’m doing a puzzle with few pieces in hand

I’m living a story without knowing the end

These are things I don’t understand

Verse 2:          

It's always the funniest thing how we’re proven wrong            

Giving lots of reasons why we’ve been forgotten         

And next thing you know we’re saying “Oh if I’d seen that I’d left the worrying alone."

Chorus:   

If only I could stop doubting  

And see the truth that keeps shouting

“It's by faith and not your eyes,

And it doesn’t have to make sense all the time”.

Verse:

Too nieve it is to proclaim 

That now I’ll never again play that game

As long as I live I’ll be fighting that war

Cause logic can only take you so far

Chorus:   

If only I could stop doubting  

And see the truth that keeps shouting

“It's by faith and not your eyes,

And it doesn’t have to make sense all the time”.

Chorus:   

If only I could stop doubting  

And see the truth that keeps shouting

“Its by faith and not your eyes,

And it doesn’t have to make sense all the time”.

Verse 1:

I’m taking pictures with the cap on the lens

I’m doing a puzzle with few pieces in hand

I’m living a story without knowing the end

These are things I don’t understand

These are things I don’t understand

Story behind Perspective: 

Since I was 16 I was told I had a lot of various food intolerances. Probably ones I’ve had all my life but was unaware of it. Through years of frustration and still feeling bad I went through an entire food elimination process this past summer to find out what else it might be. What felt like a loss taught me something deeper. What I found was an underlying desire to be in control. To know the outcomes of all the unknowns of my life. During this process God reminded me that He really knows all that I don’t. Yet He has a greater desire for me to just trust Him even if I don’t have clarity and answers to all my questions. It seemed most appropriate to title this song Perspective because that’s just what I was learning mattered more. How we all want to know what the story of our lives will be, how each chapter of it will fit together like pieces in a puzzle. If we could only see the ups and downs and have the assurance that it will all be ok. But we don’t and most likely there will be those things in life that we will never make sense of and have assurance over. But God does. And His faithfulness gives the assurance we need to trust Him regardless of what we see or don’t see.

“We live by faith, not by sight” 

2 Corinthians 5:7

Only You

Verse 1: 

Struggling to see past the fear and the doubt

Joseph wondered how his life would turn out

How could the God of his fathers promise blessing

When freedom, justice and truth seemed to be what’s missing?

Pre-Chorus:

And yet knowing all his misplaced and broken dreams

He looked to the Father and cried I still believe

Chorus:

Only You can save me

Only Truth can set me free

It’s Your hope that leads me through the night

Only You

Verse 2:

This has been the story of so many’s lives

Clinging to You and then watching you provide

Like darkness can only linger in the night

So You keep your promise when you said, “Let there be light!”

Pre-Chorus:

So while knowing all my misplaced and broken dreams

I’ll look to the Father for I still believe

Chorus:

Only You can save me

Only Truth can set me free

It’s Your hope that leads me through the night

Only You

Bridge:

All thats been, is and will be

Fades all else but this one thing 

Chorus:

Only You can save us

Only Truth can set us free

It’s Your hope that leads us through the night

Chorus:

Only You can save me

Only Truth can set me free

It’s Your hope that leads me through the night

You lead us through the night

You lead me through the night

You led him through the night

Only You

Story behind Only You: One of my favorite stories in the bible has to the story of Joseph. His life was turned upside-down so many times, he had every reason to forget God and all his promises. But he did not. I don’t know if you have ever had seasons of your life when nothing made sense, all was misunderstood and great disappointment seemed to overcome any good that could come from it. It was Joseph’s faith that encouraged me to continue to hold true to the things that were true time after time. It is only God who is faithful to save and lead us through any dark night. May you too stake your ground in the firm Rock that is Christ our good King at any season of your life.

“ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Genesis 50:20

Right

Verse 1:

I don’t wanna be one of those

People who never let go

When it's time to shake the dust off my feet

But You know how hard it is

To feel The weight of injustice

And still trust it’s only a matter of time 

Until You make it right

Chorus:

So teach me all that I need

To trust and believe 

To see that there’s 

No prize but that of Your life wonderfully changing mine

Verse 2:

When you see right blamed for wrong

And Truth like it never belonged

The stranger the ways of the wise become

When it’s feared the battle is lost

And victory feels too far off

 The further my loyalty will defend 

Until you make it right

Bridge:

The good seeds will be watered 

Among the weeds they’ll grow

For He said by you’re fruit I’ll know

The seeds you have sown

The seeds you have sown

Chorus:

So teach me all that I need

To trust and believe 

To see that there’s 

No prize but that of your life wonderfully changing mine

Ending:

I may never know why

Or who or how oh but I

Wait for the day when You make it right

Story behind Right: 

There is so much that I wrong with this world. So much brokenness, so much pain, and so many real injustices that beg to be made right. In our relationships they are harder still. I have been learning how to respond in them. As different injustices have come up, the unanswered questions nag at us with no resolution and pride constantly tries to fights its way to find our own way of justifying it. But God says otherwise. What I’ve found is a peace not in justice being met in the here in now, but trusting that there is no prize for trying to fix it. Some things cannot be fixed with your strength and in your ways. But trusting in the hope that ALL will be made right in the way God intends it has given me reason to cling to our true focus in this life. The prize is letting God change our hardened hearts, in praying that we’d forgive and let justice be served in the manner God has planned. It is always an ongoing lesson but it puts to rest my constant fighting to try and make it right on my own. The hard reality may be that we may never know the answers to our questions. But we can still wait for the day when He makes it right. 

“Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.”

Psalm 106:3 

“And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Micah 6:8

This Is Me

Verse 1:

You know I try so hard to write out

Exactly what’s on my mind

Crafting something respectable

While keeping with familiar rhyme

It’s all I know to bring to light

All the grey in my life

Giving voice to unspoken words

They’ve got the need to be heard

Chorus:

I don’t know where You’re taking me

I can’t foresee the twists and turns

Let alone where this song is gonna go

But I can’t deny this rhythm beats my heart alive

So well...you see...this is me

Verse 2:

High and mighty is where we tend to start

And it’s only by the grace of God

That we stay out of that dark

And take the road humility’s on

But still I have yet to discern

The tension music holds with perfection

Though I know that that’s impossible 

Still I’ll fight to find it’s truest soul

Chorus:

I don’t know where You’re taking me

I can’t foresee the twists and turns

Let alone where this song is gonna go

But I can’t deny this rhythm beats my heart alive

So well...you see...this is me

Bridge:

Yeah, I know my limits 

I know I don’t fit the image

But I don’t wanna follow those rules anyway

Cuz I’ll always sing the same simple songs

It’s my honest best so I’ll give it a rest for now

Chorus:

I don’t know where You’re taking me

I can’t foresee the twists and turns

Let alone where this song is gonna go

But I can’t deny this rhythm beats my heart alive

So well...you see...this is me

Story Behind This is Me: 

I have been singing and writing music since I can practically remember. As I learned guitar, I was able to put music to it and develop it further. I believe music is a gift that has the power to move us in ways nothing else can. So it is not without heart and soul that I craft together a song. And it has never been without hesitancy that I find contentment with a song. There is always a better way to play it, a better voice to sing it, and craftier words to empower it. I may not have the best voice or play guitar that makes your mouth drop. But I have a purpose for which God gave it to me and for whatever that looks like doesn’t matter compared to the purpose for which it has been given to me. The tension between being who God created me to be and working at it with all I have is enough for One who placed in me.  And finally, that is enough for me.

“...Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

Hallelujah

Verse 1:

In the quiet of the dawn

A whisper hums of hope to come

Wake up sleep, it’s really true

Hallelujah hope’s come to you

Verse 2:

The Light has come, see it rise

No more can the shadows hide

With all my breath I’ll start to sing

Hallelujah here’s our King

Verse 3:

I’ll rejoice, my heart is glad

Beyond all words that I have 

Praise the King who this day has

Hallelujah made a way

Verse  4:

Nothing can stop Him now

His kingdom come it shall

So it’s my joy to sing this 

Hallelujah He’s risen!

Story behind Hallelujah:

Who doesn’t like Easter!? The chocolate Easter bunny first thing in the morning, delicious freshly made resurrection rolls and the cheery Easter service with family. But beyond those fun and often commercialized traditions is something far more exciting. Life! We have it! Only because Jesus did what He said He would do. All that we long for, are made for, and has yet to come will become in time through Jesus. Because the Perfect One paid the price we could not and rose from the dead on that third day, we have Life and Life to the full. When that sinks in... truly sinks in, it changes EVERYTHING! Even a hallelujah cannot fully suffice. 

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said…”

Matthew 28:6

All The Way

Verse 1:

I feel like nothings been better

Than when you found me that day

And truth be told it didn’t matter

If the night turned to day

Cuz I was lost in my brokenness

Covering up all I could

Trying to keep my life together

But falling short was all I knew

Chorus:

You gave me life in my darkness 

Your grace calls me out by name

To follow You and walk in Your truth

Today, I’m following You all the way

Verse 2:

I feel like nothings been better

Than when you found me that day

And truth be told it doesn’t matter

If the night keeps the day

Cuz I have found my true Friend

My Hope, my Trust, my Amen

My soul has found what it has thirsted for

And it’s my joy to choose you Lord 

Chorus:

You gave me life in my darkness 

Your grace calls me out by name

To follow You and walk in Your truth

Today, I’m following You all the way 

Bridge: 4x 

Jesus, I don’t know a better name!

Chorus:

You gave me life in my darkness 

Your grace calls me out by name

To follow You and walk in Your truth

Today, I’m following You all the way

2x

Ending:

I feel like nothings been better

Than when you found me that day

Story behind All The Way: 

This particular song was written with a glad heart because it celebrates the transformation of a good friend who chose to make her public declaration of following Jesus through the act of baptism the Spring of 2011. From an inward-focused life searching for meaning and truth to a changed heart, reflecting the love and hope of Jesus Christ, it was with privilege that I could express her story in this song. There is nothing more joyful than witnessing God's transformation in the hearts of His people! 

“…for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

Isaiah 43:1

To Know You

Verse 1:

You are my shepherd, I know your voice.

It calls to me all day and night.

You are my good King, you fight for me.

 For all my love and all my need.

Pre-Chorus:

Your concert in me is sweet.

It brings me joy, rest and peace.

My soul drowns out all other things.

Chorus:

To know You and let all else fade, is all I thirst for, my desire remains

To know You and let all else fade, You’re all I live for, You are why I sing

Alleluia this is life.

Verse 2:

I soak up every note and beat.

Every rhythm that You breathe.

I’m overcome to know Your grace.

 Has called me to seek Your face.

Pre-Chorus:

Knowing You never end.

All I can do is sing again.

Praise be to You God the most high!

Chorus:

To know You and let all else fade, is all I thirst for, my desire remains

To know You and let all else fade, You’re all I live for, You are why I sing

Alleluia this is life.

Bridge:

This is life eternal

This is knowing what you did, 

was worth it even when I hid.

 I can sing all the more

Chorus:

To know You and let all else fade, is all I thirst for, my desire remains

To know You and let all else fade, You’re all I live for, You are why I sing

Alleluia this is life.

Story behind To Know You: 

My sophomore year of college began an exciting journey of taking ahold of what it really means to know Christ. To see that all else is meaningless compared to the joy of knowing a God who loves us enough to have a relationship with us is transformational. During the springtime of 2010 another good friend of mine choose to take that step of deeper faith and be baptized. This song was written for another one of my friends to encourage and celebrate with her in her declaration of her ever-deepening faith in Jesus. It was a humbling experience and one I will never forget.

“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.” 

Phillipians 3:8

Changing Days

Verse 1:

These days are not what they once used to be

The seasons turn and I can see Your changing me

Your changing me

Verse 2:

A sure familiarity of kept promises 

Reminds me You are good and will complete what you began

 Complete what you began

Verse 3:

I hate the walls of sin that keep me from You

Knock them down with all your might and set my heart right

Set my heart right

Verse 4:

I cannot see what’s going on but I have to trust

There’s hope for me to one day be exactly who you want

Exactly who you want

Verse 5:

So I just wanna say you faithful One

Thank you for not giving up in these changing days

In these changing days

Story behind Changing Days: 

Change has no doubt been an ongoing theme in my life. It often can feel as though it is interrupting my life. Other times it is welcomed and even felt unnatural to have without. Regardless of how we feel about it, change is inevitable. Moving from one place to the next, graduating high school, building relationships, losing them,...There is cost in change. Sometimes it is the cost of feeling like the pit of chaos will keep you from ever being where and who you want to be. What I have learned is through all the change, welcomed or not, God does not change. God has remained through every change of my life. Faithful. Good. Wise. And I can be sure that He uses it all to make us who He wants us to be. Both the good and the bad, the needed and the unwelcome. With open hands and a more trusting spirit I hold onto all that I have learned, am learning and will learn with the assurance of He who planned it all before any of us ever came to be. 

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Phillipians 1:6